Small is the new big—for meetings!

Small is the new big: An illustration of two meetings side by side. On the left, a small group of people chat animatedly. On the right, many more people stand around, hardly talking.11 years ago, I pointed out that most meetings are small meetings. It seems the meeting industry is finally catching on to this reality and its benefits. Yes, small is the new big!

From eSpeakersreport on IMEX America 2024:

Small is the new big. Smaller meetings, known by industry experts as micro events, continue strong growth. Simpler internal team meetings, VIP events, and client advisory boards will be among the most common types of meetings as we go forward. These are smaller (< 100 attendees) meetings, often held offsite. That doesn’t mean they don’t need all the things that larger meetings need, including speakers.”
—Dave Reed, Joe Heaps and Roxy Synder, eSpeakersreport on IMEX America 2024

Why is this happening?

During the early COVID years, online meetings became the norm, while in-person gatherings dropped dramatically. Smaller online meetings revealed that broadcast-style webinars were often disengaging, while interactive online meetings helped attendees make peer connections and stay engaged.

As in-person events now return to pre-2020 levels, attendees increasingly value connecting and learning with peers, as Freeman reported in its Q1 2024 Trends Report:

“When it comes to networking, attendees are less interested in discovering new career opportunities and obtaining/providing mentoring. Instead, they view networking as the most valuable when they can exchange ideas with peers, meet new people, and speak with industry experts who may otherwise be out of reach.”
Freeman Trends Report Q1 2024, Winter 2024 Freeman Syndicated Survey of Event Attendees.

Graphic showing attendees preferred types of networkingSpeaking with experts 81% Meeting new contacts generally 68% Peer-to peer exchange 64% Creating unique experiences with people I know 54% Discovering new commercial or research partners 52% Creatingunique experiences with Discovering new commercial or research partners people I don’t know 44% Obtaining/ providing mentoring 35% Discovering new career opportunities 33%
Winter 2024 Freeman Syndicated Survey of Event Attendees. Copyright Freeman 2024

Freeman’s research underscores that:

Attendees want to connect with peers over shared challenges and specific topics
Just like with keynotes, content is critical when it comes to networking. Attendees want to bond with peers over shared professional challenges and topics. They aren’t as keen to speed-date over hors d’oeuvres or meet with an on-site ambassador at a phone charging station. These types of networking elements can be useful ancillaries – but they’re not sufficient on their own. Event attendees would be better served if organizers devoted more time to valued forms of networking and reduced their efforts on less-desired elements.”
Freeman Trends Report Q1 2024, Winter 2024 Freeman Syndicated Survey of Event Attendees.

Attendees want to connect with peers over shared challenges and specific topicsJust like with keynotes, content is critical when it comes to networking. Attendees want to bond with peers over shared professional challenges and topics. They aren't as keen to speed-date over hors d'oeuvres or meet with an on-site ambassador at a phone charging station. These types of networking elements can be useful ancillaries - but they're not sufficient on their own. Event attendees would be better served if organizers devoted more time to valued forms of networking and reduced their efforts on less-desired elements.
Winter 2024 Freeman Syndicated Survey of Event Attendees. Copyright Freeman 2024

Creating the valuable networking and connection that attendees seek is far easy at small meetings—when designed right! I’ve been designing and facilitating such meetings for over three decades, and both participants and organizers love them. These events foster a loyal community with high retention rates.

Large meetings can also support effective networking, but it’s far more challenging. As attendee expectations shift, more clients are contracting me to boost connection at large events, where existing tech solutions like brain dates and speed networking often fall short.

Meanwhile, small, well-designed events continue to thrive and grow in popularity. Small truly is the new big.

Next steps

Convinced that small is the way forward? Here’s how you should proceed:

Starting a new conference? Start small, with 50 – 150 participants. With the right design, you’ll create an event they’ll want to return to, year after year. You can then grow the event over time.

Struggling with a small conference? Your event design might need an update—I can help!

Running a large conference but receiving feedback about ineffective networking and connection? You’re not alone. I’m hearing from an increasing number of clients with this problem. Re-designing an existing event is challenging but achievable. The key lies in focusing on identifying, supporting, and connecting existing sectors and groups within the event. A small but impactful design shift early on can make a big difference. Contact me if you’d like to explore how this approach could transform your event.

The corporatization of belonging

belonging: a corporate office with a slightly ominous feel that is full of professionals working I recently attended a conference session that made me uneasy, and not in a constructive way. I won’t name names, but the session was centered around a specific program to increase “belonging” in organizations and included statistics such as:

“Only 13% of organizations are ready to actually implement belonging as a practice.”

“47% of our audiences are lonely.”

When the presenter said increasing belonging would be beneficial, I asked: “To whom, the organization or the employees?” The answer, after a pause, was “Both”.

While I hope this is genuinely the case, my doubts persist.

Why I’m suspicious of programs to increase organizational belonging

First of all, what is belonging? Curiously, Wikipedia lacks a direct entry for the term ‘belonging’! Instead, it includes a long article on “belongingness” that provides a nebulous introduction, including a short section on belonging in the workplace (see below).

Lewis Carroll’s famous quip, “When I use a word… it means just what I choose it to mean,” comes to mind here.

I worry that some people are corporatizing “belonging” to make a buck.

Here are four reasons I’m suspicious of the presenter’s program to increase organizational belonging.

1. What does successful belonging look like?

A great technique for looking at ideas from a fresh perspective is reverse brainstorming, aka “Let’s make it suck.”

When I applied this approach to “implementing belonging as a practice”, guess what first came to mind?

The most successful example of belonging is a cult!

belonging: photograph of scientology's "SeaOrg" members dressed in naval uniforms standing on a wooden floor next to a ship's wheel Attribution: licensed under https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/ from Flickr user anonymous9000

This is not the kind of belonging that appeals to most people. Except for cult members.

In addition, a short section of the belongingness Wikipedia article covers belonging in the workplace. It includes this slightly ominous sentence:

“Charismatic leaders influence followers by bringing awareness to the collective unit and strengthening the feeling of belonging, and that enhances employees’ compliance.”

Enhancing compliance via “strengthening the feeling of belonging” is advantageous for an organization led by a charismatic leader. But what’s the benefit for the employees?

2. “Belonging” is a binary concept

“Belonging” is a binary concept. You belong or you don’t.

However, except in extreme situations—like cults—our relationships with peers and organizations are much more nuanced. You can be a member of an organization without feeling you belong to it. At times, you may feel strongly or weakly connected to your peers. Over time, your peer groups change. These days, belonging to an organization, if even possible, is unlikely to consist of forty years of devotion with an engraved watch on retirement.

This is why my ikigai is about facilitating connection, rather than attempting to force belonging.

“Implementing belonging” is trying to force an employee’s time-dependent experiences of connection into a yes/no box.

3. We can improve organizations without programs to increase belonging

The session presenter began talking about how they use stories to implement belonging. I asked whether they were familiar with Appreciative Inquiry, (the original AI 😀) a pioneering approach from the 1980s, and how their method was different.

After another pause, the presenter said they did know of Appreciative Inquiry.

They did not answer my second question.

From the Wikipedia article on Appreciative Inquiry:

“AI revolutionized the field of organization development and was a precursor to the rise of positive organization studies and the strengths based movement in American management.”

“AI advocates collective inquiry into the best of what is, in order to imagine what could be, followed by collective design of a desired future state that is compelling and thus, does not require the use of incentives, coercion or persuasion for planned change to occur.”
—Gervase Bushe, professor of leadership and organization development at the Beedie School of Business

Although I’m not trained in AI, the approach is simple enough that I’ve often used it with clients to build a positive environment before moving into the “problems” they’ve hired me to solve. It strengthens connections between employees and their organization by uncovering and sharing good experiences and expertise that live in the culture of all but the most dysfunctional organizations.

Tip: (A good and inexpensive introduction to the simplicity of Appreciative Inquiry is The Thin Book of Appreciative Inquiry by Sue Annis Hammond.)

4. Let’s add a computer and make money!

The presenter explained that their approach involved recording stories and feeding them into a computer which analyzed the words used and classified the sharer’s type of belonging. They did not go into detail, because the whole process, including opaque computer intermediation, is the secret sauce they’re selling.

Using a computer to quantify “belonging”, in some unknown and likely unscientific way, is a classic example of building an unverified model of a system and then believing in its pronostications. Until this approach has a verifiable scientific basis, from my (50+ years) experience of model building it should be treated with extreme skepticism.

I wouldn’t pay for it.

An alternative

We already have at least one well-established method, Appreciative Inquiry, that uses positive human-mediated processes to meaningfully transform organizations. There may be others I’m unaware of.

Enticing organizations with the promise of quantifying ‘belonging’—a concept that may not lend itself to such reduction—seems, at best, to be overhyped, and at worst, misleading.

Scientology’s “SeaOrg” image attribution: Flickr user anonymous9000 [License]

Are You Out There?

In 1997, Dar Williams, inspired by listening late at night to New Hampshire and Vermont’s progressive radio station WRSI The River, wrote the song “Are You Out There”. Her beautiful song about audiences and humans’ desire for connection speaks to today’s events industry.

Why? First, listen!


Hoping that Dar will be OK with this, here are the relevant fragments of her song’s lyrics.

[Verse 1]
“…You always play the madmen poets
Vinyl vision grungy bands
You never know who’s still awake
You never know who understands and

[Chorus]
Are you out there, can you hear this?
Jimmy Olson, Johnny Memphis
I was out here listening all the time
And though the static walls surround me
You were out there and you found me
I was out here listening all the time

[Verse 2]
Last night we drank in parking lots
And why do we drink? I guess we do it ’cause
And when I turned your station on
You sounded more familiar than that party was…

[Verse 3]
…So tonight I turned your station on
Just so I’d be understood
Instead another voice said
I was just too late and just no good

[Chorus]
Calling Olson, calling Memphis
I am calling, can you hear this?
I was out here listening all the time
And I will write this down and then
I will not be alone again, yeah
I was out here listening
Oh yeah, I was out here listening
Oh yeah, I am out here listening all the time”
—Lyrics [full lyrics here] courtesy of Genius

“I am out here listening all the time.”

Like Dar Williams, a true fan of obscure (at the time) music, people search for experiences that meet their wants and needs. We yearn for connection and look for opportunities to get it. Events are the most powerful opportunities for connection (and learning). While today’s radio is, with few exceptions, a pure broadcast medium, it’s available to anyone with a radio who wants to turn it on and find an interesting program.

Event professionals must remember that their events’ true fans are “out here”. They are the people who will form the nucleus of your events’ success. These days, we have far more powerful tools than broadcast radio to find true fans. Use them!

“I will not be alone again.”

The young Dar Williams learned through her radio that other people like her “got” the music she loved.

While listening late at night, she realized that she was not alone.

Well-designed events transform audiences into a community.

Community meets a fundamental human need, for connection and belonging. Well-designed events create authentic community through interpersonal experiences at the event rather than attempting to manufacture it through entertainment and novel environments. Such events allow attendees to be truly heard and seen.

Tap into the power your events possess to create genuine community. Participants will become faithful attendees because they will not be alone again.

Why organizations fear connecting

Seth Godin points out that many organizations fear connecting because their leadership fears losing control. Even though the control they think they have is a myth.

“Organizations are afraid of connecting. They are afraid of losing control, of handing over power, of walking into a territory where they don’t always get to decide what’s going to happen next. When your customers like each other more than they like you, things can become challenging.

Of course, connecting is where the real emotions and change and impact happen.”
—Seth Godin, ‘Connect to’ vs. ‘Connect’

The importance of connection

A survey I conducted of attendees while writing Conferences That Work confirmed (as do many other meeting surveys) that the two most important reasons people go to meetings are to connect (80%) and learn (75%).

When I asked people why they went to conferences, the two most common answers were: (1) to network with others (80%) and (2) to learn (75%). Seventy percent of my interviewees mentioned both of these reasons. In addition, 15 percent told me that they were required to attend annual conferences to maintain their professional status.

Nevertheless, many conferences are structured like this.

fear connecting: photograph of a speaker on a stage lecturing to an disengaged audience

No one’s connecting here, except, maybe, a single speaker to his audience. The audience members aren’t connecting with each other at all.

To create connection, conferences need to be structured like this.

Photograph of a small group of people in a sunlit room. Three people are standing, the rest sit gathered around a set of tables pushed together. Several flipcharts are full of writing. People are talking, listening, and taking notes.

Here, we see people gathered together, talking, listening, and taking notes. Active learning, rather than passive reception of lecturing, is the model. Active learning is a better model for meetings because it builds connection around meaningful learning.

An organization that fears connecting:

  • Employs hierarchical meetings and events, controlling what happens by using a predetermined agenda of broadcast-style lecture sessions.
  • Creates a fundamental disconnect between the wants and needs of the staff and/or members and the structure of its meetings and conferences. Events that provide connection-rich sessions, allowing participants to discover their tribe and determine what they discuss, are anathema.

“Connect to” is a goal; “connect” is a verb

Seth again:

“An organization might seek to ‘connect to’ its customers or constituents…That’s different, though, than ‘connect'”

Some organizations try to obscure their control-based culture by asserting their goal is to “connect to/with” their clients. There’s plenty of plausible-seeming advice available along these lines; e.g., “How to Connect With Customers” or “5 Ways to Connect With Your Client“.

However, this goal attempts to disguise a desire for control. The leadership wants to control how the organization will “connect with” customers. Such a goal is a one-way street. It ignores the reality that, for healthy relationships, connection is a two-way process.

In contrast, a functional organization makes it easy for customers to connect about their wants and needs.

Connection is no longer a goal (noun). A functional organization connects (verb). In the same way that change is a verb, not a noun.

Creating exceptional connection—and organizations

Exceptional organizations take connection to an even higher level. They facilitate connection between their constituency members, supporting the creation of tribes.

Seth, once more:

“When you connect your customers or your audience or your students, you’re the matchmaker, building horizontal relationships, person to person. This is what makes a tribe.”

Tribes—self-organizing groups bound by a common passion—are the most powerful spontaneous human groups. Tribe members pour energy into connecting around their purpose, which leads to meaningful, powerful action. Having them associated with and supported by your organization reaps substantial rewards for everyone involved.

Seek out and create organizations that don’t fear connecting.

You’ll make your world and the world a better place.

Can Broadcast be Personal? Exploring New Ways to Connect with Others

Can broadcast be personal? An image of a happy woman looking at something we cannot see. In the blurred background is a screen with another woman's face on it.We prize personal moments of connection, moments when we are moved. But today, broadcast messages bombard us. This leads to the question: Can broadcast be personal?

Occasionally, the answer is “yes”.

  • A paragraph in a novel unexpectedly hooks your heart.
  • An inspirational speaker says something that totally resonates with an audience member.
  • The meditation teacher on Zoom looks right at you as they deliver a perfect piece of wisdom.
  • A political slogan captures your imagination at the right moment.

And yet, broadcast being personal happens relatively rarely.

  • As George Orwell remarked, “In much more than nine cases out of ten the only objectively truthful criticism would be ‘This book is worthless …'”.
  • I once heard a motivational speaker whom I found inspirational at the time. Three months later, I couldn’t remember a thing he said.
  • The meditation teacher was looking at their camera, not you—and there were 500 other people listening too.
  • Millions of people heard the slogan that high-priced consultants crafted to appeal to them.

When people come together at a meeting, an event, or a social, we usually default to broadcast-style experiences. We listen to speakers. We’re assigned to large tables where we can’t quite hear the individuals three chairs away from us. We use formats like theater seating that minimize interpersonal contact. Broadcast modalities like these breed a passive experience. And they are so engrained that we default to them unconsciously.

Which leads to a better question.

Are there better ways of creating personal moments of connection?

Yes, there are. We can gently steer people into opportunities to connect one-to-one, or in small groups. And it’s easy to do. Here are three examples:

David Adler’s Jeffersonian dinner

David Adler, the founder of BizBash, loves to connect people. One of his favorite approaches is to host a Jeffersonian dinner, where guests take turns sharing their answers to a question the host offers.

David often uses the question: What was your first job, and what did you learn from it? Each participant broadcasts their answer to everyone, but only for a few minutes, and the sharing moves around the group. Each story provides opportunities for personal connection, as many of the stories involve common threads and learnings.

Pair share

Pair share (or trio share) is such a simple and effective way to create personal moments of connection I don’t understand why it’s not more widely used. Announce a topic or question to a group, ask people to find a partner, provide a little time for everyone to think of their response, and then give each pair member a minute or so to broadcast/share their thoughts with their partner. Maybe add another minute for the pairs to talk to each other about what they just shared.

Voila! You’ve created an opportunity for everyone in the room to have a short, focused conversation, and maybe a moment of connection with another person (whom they may have never met before). Pair share is quick, so you can run it multiple times while people are together, each time with different partners to create new connections.

The Three Questions

I often use The Three Questions to open a peer conference. (See Chapter 18 of my Event Crowdsourcing book for a full description of this core meeting format.) Like the Jeffersonian dinner, each participant has a short-broadcast time to share their answer to a question—in this case three questions—with an entire group.

There are three things meeting participants really want to know about each other. These three questions allow each person to share their past, present, and future in a way that is appropriate and safe for them with everyone in the group. This sharing provides the foundation for connections to deepen during the conference that follows.

Can broadcast be personal?

Traditional broadcast formats are rarely personal because one person dominates the time. But by breaking broadcast into small segments where many people get to talk, broadcast can become personal, while also fostering multiple moments of new connection.

Try it, you—and the people in the room—will like it!

An alternative to Twitter for #eventprofs

An illustration of a mastodon towering over a group of people in conversation, suggesting that the federated social media Mastodon may be an #eventprofs alternative to TwitterLast week I wrote about alternatives to Twitter, sparked by the rapid changes to the platform under its new billionaire owner. Focusing on our own professional community—the meeting (and hospitality) industry—I’d like to make a modest proposal for a social media platform that might meet our needs better. In other words: an #eventprofs alternative to Twitter. (And LinkedIn and Meta, too.)

Mastodon

Mastodon turns out to be an excellent social media platform that can connect you with your tribe while still giving you full access to posts and conversations over the entire network.

“[Mastodon’s] free and open-source software enables anyone to run a social media platform entirely on their own infrastructure, entirely under their own control, while connecting to a global decentralized social network.”
from a Mastodon blog post

Think of Mastodon as a “galaxy of interconnected social networks based on a common platform”. To recap key points from my recent post:

  • No one owns Mastodon, it runs on free, open-source software. There are no ads. The platform has currently about 8 million members, with more arriving daily.
  • Anyone can set up a Mastodon server (aka instance) that focuses on a specific community of any kind. (For example, as I write this, journalists are flocking to Mastodon after Musk banned some, apparently for writing critically about him. Already, people have set up a number of instances for journalists.)
  • Mastodon works like Twitter but with longer posts (up to 500 characters) and important design differences that discourage those who are trying to build their followers and influence by any means possible.
  • Each Mastodon server has its own community, rules, admins, and moderation. Mastodon’s structure and moderation tools permit a series of efficient and immediate actions against “bad” accounts or instances, where “bad” is defined by the instance administrators and community.
  • Running a Mastodon instance requires some work and a fairly modest amount of money. The cost rises with the number of users, so you can start small and see how popular your instance becomes. A server with five thousand users currently costs ~$150/month for hosting and bandwidth. Many Mastodon servers are crowdfunded, though server admins are free to come up with other ways to cover costs. Some organizations set up their own instances for their employees and associated community.

The last bullet point leads me to my modest proposal. What if an industry leader like Freeman, RX, Cvent, PCMA, or MPI, to name a few, set up a Mastodon server for the event and hospitality industry?

Mastodon: An #eventprofs alternative to Twitter?

“Mastodon is my favorite alternative to Twitter, and I’m spending more and more time on it. It feels like the early days of Twitter: a fresh, relatively uncrowded, environment where I’m continually meeting new interesting folks. I’ve had many more personal interactions on Mastodon than any of the other alternatives I’ve tried. If the future of Twitter worries you, I think Mastodon is the place to go.”
—Adrian Segar, Alternatives to Twitter

Up to now, the event and hospitality community has no single logical place to exist online. Communities are fragmented over Twitter, LinkedIn, Meta, and thousands of niche platforms and spaces. Wouldn’t it be great if we could have our own instance (or a few perhaps) where industry members could meet, connect, post, and converse?

The beauty of implementing such a community on Mastodon is the platform’s flexibility. Mastodon doesn’t lock you into one instance once you’ve joined it. For example, in the future people might decide to have separate servers for events and hospitality folks. Users are free to move their accounts, with all their posts and followers, to a new instance. Or even join both instances if they want.

That’s my case for creating an #eventprofs alternative to Twitter. I think that Mastodon offers just the right balance of a place for our tribe together with natural connections to a much larger Fediverse of communities. I hope this short post stimulates people and organizations to build a better place than Twitter, LinkedIn, and Meta for the #eventprofs community to meet, convene, and converse online.

Connection, attachment, and meetings

John Singer Sargent's painting, A Street in Venice. Image courtesy Clark Art Institute. A man looks at a woman in a Venetian alleyway. Is there connection or attachment between them?A teacher recently advised our daily meditation group to seek “connection free from attachment”. This is a wise practice for me. But what does it mean in the context of meetings? Surely we sometimes become attached to people we meet? Isn’t creating and strengthening attachments one of the desirable functions of meetings? So what is the relationship between connection and attachment when people come together?

Last week I was exploring paintings at The Clark Art Institute in Williamstown, Massachusetts when this work by John Singer Sargent caught my attention.

Although Sargent is chiefly known as “a portrait painter who evoked Edwardian-era luxury“, this painting of Venice shows something different. Instead of “focusing on iconic views of Venice”, Sargent “offers a glimpse into everyday life”.

I see this painting as a depiction of an event about to happen: two people meeting, a foreshadowing of connection. I could be wrong because what we see is ambiguous. It’s possible that the man will turn away and continue his walk. But perhaps the woman is about to turn towards the man looking at her; they will connect in the alleyway. Perhaps they are about to enter the wine cellar and connect there.

My fanciful, though perhaps plausible, interpretations of Sargent’s painting illuminate how I think about the relationship between connection, attachment, and meetings.

Connection and attachment

Connection is something that happens in the moment. As another meditation teacher put it: “Nothing to get. Nothing to get rid of. Just this.”

In contrast, attachment is a description of a complex fusion of past, present, and future connections. It’s a historical construct. Even if we connect with a person once, that only creates attachment through our continued memory of the experience of the moment. Attachment is about our relationship with others. Our attachment to people is created and strengthened by one or more moments of connection with them over time.

Traditional meetings and connection

At meetings, as in life, connection happens with another person or, sometimes, in small groups. Not while someone is lecturing in a room full of people.

At traditional meetings, connection happens almost exclusively outside the formal lecture-style sessions. It’s inefficient and random. Even if someone asks a question at the end of a session and you want to talk to them more about it, you have to hunt them down in the hallways or socials.

Traditional meetings offer minimal opportunities for connection, attachment, and ensuing relationships.

Luckily, we can do better.

Creating connection and attachment at meetings

For decades, one of my core goals for participant-driven and participation-rich meetings has been to facilitate connection around relevant content. In our meetings, we need to provide plenty of opportunities and support for moment-to-moment connections around relevant learning. The resulting connections lead to attachments, and to valuable relationships between meeting participants that endure into the future.

The words we use for meetings matter

Words we use for meetings: an animated graphic showing competing words used in the meeting industry. Online versus virtual. Networking versus connection. Unconference versus peer conference.The words we use for meetings matter. Unfortunately, familiar terms often perpetuate conventional meeting thinking. By changing the words we use we can change how we think about events. Here are three examples of better words to use when talking about meetings.

online rather than virtual

When the COVID-19 pandemic began, in-person meetings vanished overnight. Suddenly Zoom became a household word. If we couldn’t safely meet face-to-face we’d sit in front of screens.

But what should we call these internet-mediated meetings?

In July 2020 I suggested that we not call them virtual meetings. Instead, I made the case to use the word online. In essence, I pointed out that virtual has the connotations of “not quite as good” and unreal, while online is a neutral and well-established description of the meeting medium. Read the post for a detailed argument.

Though I don’t claim any credit, I’m happy to observe that meeting industry professionals and trade journals currently tend to prefer “online meeting” to “virtual meeting”, though there are some notable exceptions. Google also shows the same preference, with 5.0B search results for “online meeting” versus 1.3B for “virtual meeting”.

connection rather than networking

This is a big one, and a harder switch to make. The word networking has been used so often to describe what people do at meetings that it’s tough to supplant. But describing everything that happens outside event sessions as networking subtly directs attention away from what can be the most valuable outcome of well-designed meetings: connecting with others.

We’ve biased how we talk about connection at meetings by using a word that is much more focused on personal and organizational advantage than personal and professional mutual benefits.

I lightheartedly titled my recent post on this topic “Stop networking at meetings“. But it’s a serious suggestion. Having a mindset of encouraging and supporting connection around useful content plus a set of meeting process tools that can make it happen is a game-changer for meeting effectiveness.

peer conference rather than unconference

Sadly, I’m a voice in the wilderness on this one. 13 years ago, I wrote Why I don’t like unconferences. As I explained in my first book, Conferences That Work, what people call an unconference is what a good conference should actually be. At unconferences, far more conferring goes on than at traditional events. I coined the term peer conference as an attempt to remove the “un” from “unconference”.

I was ignored.

This linguistic problem worsened as people decided that calling traditional events “unconferences” made them sound cool. They ignored the central feature of an unconference; that sessions are chosen at the event rather than scheduled in advance. These days I frequently see advance calls for speaker submissions at meetings advertised as “unconferences”! You even find traditional breakout sessions described as unconferences, presumably because more than one person might speak. I cover these depressing developments in These aren’t the unconferences you’re looking for.

Today, “peer conferencing” is principally used to describe an educational approach to writing in groups. So I’ve reluctantly given up trying to swim against the tide, and have been using the term unconference in my recent writing.

C’est la vie.

What do you think?

The words we use for meetings matter. My little campaigns to reframe some language the meeting industry uses have had mixed results. What do you think of my suggestions? Are there other examples of meeting industry language you’d like to see changed? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

P.S. Some meeting industry terms I like!

Apropos of nothing, here, in alphabetical order, are some meeting industry terms I like. Don’t ask me why.

  • Air wall
  • Banquet event order
  • Corkage
  • Drayage
  • Duty of care
  • Gobo
  • Pipe and drape
  • Rack rate
  • Stanchion

Stop networking at meetings

A pointillistic illustration of people networking at meetings (and maybe connecting too)It’s time to stop networking at meetings. No, I’m not saying we should only listen to lectures at meetings. Rather, I’m going to explain why using the term “networking” for all occasions when attendees get to talk with one another subtly directs attention away from can be the most valuable outcome of well-designed meetings: connecting with others.

This post was inspired when Victoria Matey shared the following thought about networking at meetings:

Random thought.

We talk about virtual networking not working as if the in-person networking has been fixed.

I agree with Victoria’s observation, but think it’s important to consider a wider perspective. Here’s an expanded version of my brief comment on the ensuing LinkedIn conversation.

Networking at meetings

When you imagine “networking” at meetings, what image comes to mind? You’ll almost certainly think of a group of people, either standing around or sitting, eating and talking to each other. When do these conversations occur? The dominant perspective of networking at meetings is that it happens during socials, meals, and breaks.

For some meeting constituencies, this is understandable. Suppliers, vendors, and sponsors are present to do business, meet up with existing customers, and get new ones. “Networking”, whether during a sponsored meal or social, or a tradeshow is an appropriate term. You’re building or strengthening your network of prospective and current customers. Note that networking is an asymmetrical process conducted by those who have something to sell with those who may be interested in buying.

Connecting at meetings

Participants, on the other hand, come to meetings for content and connection. That’s connection, not networking. Unlike networking, connecting is a fundamentally symmetrical process. Any participant may have something—information, a perspective, or a problem—worth offering or receiving. Connecting is a spontaneous peer-to-peer process, where meeting participants fluidly give and receive, learn and teach, through conversations and interaction. Connection can potentially benefit any participant, and the benefits are often mutual, i.e. connections made lead to positive outcomes for everyone involved.

When do participants connect at meetings? Traditionally, the answer is the same for connecting as networking: during socials, meals, and breaks. But it doesn’t have to be this way!

Limiting connection to socials, meals, and breaks means participants miss out on the most powerful way to create connection at meetings: around relevant content.

In other words, there’s every reason to incorporate opportunities for connection into meeting sessions.

To do this, you use session formats that encourage and support connection around relevant content in the sessions. Not afterward or in between.

Meetings—whether in-person or online—that do this successfully are overwhelmingly preferred by nearly all participants. That’s why I’ve been designing and facilitating such meetings for the last thirty years. They work!

Facilitating valuable connection during meeting sessions

As you might expect, to facilitate valuable connection during meeting sessions it’s not enough to tell participants to go and talk to each other. Nor does it involve turning sessions into speed-dating or adding irritating “icebreakers”.

Instead, it means designing sessions that:

  • Improve learning by actively engaging participants around content rather than listening to it or watching it.
  • Leverage the rich and extensive knowledge and experience of participants in the room.
  • Increase opportunities to meet like-minded peers via discussion of session content, ideas, and questions.

In addition, you need to include sessions at the start of meetings where participants can learn about who else is present that they might want to get to know, where common issues and problems can be aired (and later addressed), and where relevant expertise and experience in the room is uncovered so that it can be tapped as needed.

Thinking of connection as networking skews perspectives

Labeling all occasions when meeting attendees converse as “networking” conflates fundamentally different means and goals of interaction into one bland term. Calling what happens outside the sessions “networking” obscures the rich possibilities of interaction between participants that good meeting and session designs provide.

So let’s stop talking about “networking” at meetings, and start talking about connection. More important: don’t just talk about it but use meeting and session formats that support and create connection around relevant content during the sessions!

Someone to tell it to is one of the fundamental needs of human beings

Someone to tell it to. A photograph of two young girls looking at and listening to each other. One has her arm around the other's shoulders.

“Someone to tell it to is one of the fundamental needs of human beings.”
—Miles Franklin, Childhood At Brindabella: My First Ten Years, 1954

Miles Franklin, the Australian writer and feminist best known for her novel My Brilliant Career, wrote the above words in her autobiography. Like Miles, I believe that all people want and need opportunities to share how they’re thinking and feeling.

Meetings of every kind offer these opportunities. When I walk into our tiny town rural post office, I sometimes see folks for whom a conversation about almost anything with the sole postal worker is clearly important. Perhaps that customer will have little or no other human contact that day. What is talked about is far less important than the act of telling.

Personal meetings like these, whether brief or extended, between good friends or strangers, are fundamental. Many of us are lucky enough to have “someone to tell it to”, though some do not.

Someone to tell it to at conferences

Conferences, whether in-person or online, are also potential arenas for conversations. They are places for participants — who have something in common with each other — to find someone to tell it to. Even if the teller believes that they weren’t fully heard, the act of telling is valuable. (Otherwise, people wouldn’t journal and practice self-affirmations.)

But some conferences offer better opportunities than others. Traditional events relegate conversations to the hallways, to breaks and socials. No conversations occur during lectures. Even post-presentation Q&As rarely evolve into a conversation, which is always between the presenter and a succession of audience members.

Given the fundamental human need to tell, meeting stakeholders owe it to participants to create opportunities and environments for rich conversations in the sessions, rather than just the gaps between them. I have been doing this for 33 years, and it’s clear that meeting designs that integrate meaningful conversations into sessions have a transformational effect on almost all participants. (Read any of my books to learn specific techniques and designs that create meaningful and valuable conversations during meeting sessions.)

In 2006, Cory Doctorow wrote: “Conversation is king. Content is just something to talk about.” Content is everywhere, but conversations require tellers and listeners. While telling something to ourselves is better than nothing, it doesn’t compare to telling it to and being heard by another human.

Let’s give attendees the priceless gift of someone to tell it to at our events.

Children listening to each other image (cropped) by J. Verkuilen, licensed under (CC BY 2.0)